separation

How could I say good bye?

 Written by: Michael J. Apire

Charlie was a nice man, a good guy who everybody dearly loved. His neighbours on Covert Street, workmates at IMG, a PR firm, even strangers who always found it irresistible to smile and say hullo to a man who whenever they met always wore a smile followed by a soft and gently pronounced hullo. Charlie couldn’t be hated. He was a likeable man but the nice Charlie whose smiles some thought never disappeared from his recognizable face lived a secret life that was about to cost him his greatest loves.

He dreaded the present day. Occasionally asking God and himself, “Why am I still alive”? “How did I come to this day”? Almost immediately finding the answers to both questions without help from anyone.

The day was September 23^rd 2011 and it was Charlie’s discharge day from Welcome Rehabilitation Centre, forty miles from his door step at Covert Street. “Do you have someone to pick you up sir”, a nurse at the centre asked Charlie who returned no response. “Because if you don’t”, she continued, “I…”. “Someone is coming”, Charlie interrupted the nurse before she could complete her suggestion.

Having his multi-colored backpack resting on his thighs and continuously stamping his feet on the floor one after the other, he anxiously sat and waited on one of the well arranged black leather sofas that formed a triangle at the centre’s lounge for someone to come pick him up. In his mind he managed to convince himself that in a world of six billion people, someone out there was destined to pick him up. “I couldn’t have pissed off everybody”, he refuted. But then, he would recall his last encounter with the humans outside of the centre. It’s then that he would defrost like ice on fire and realize that maybe there’s no one out there coming for him.

“Charlie, Charlie”, the nurse called again as she approached. Motioning to face his caller, Charlie heard the words that brought happiness and calm to his heart. “Your wife is here to take you home”, she told him. With a simple smirk, Charlie stood up and moved for the exit where he met his wife, Stephanie. “Hullo, thanks for coming”, he said in an otherwise pleased voice, with gratitude and happiness clear in his voice.

A nurse had earlier told Stephanie of how Charlie did very well at the centre and that she was optimistic he was now a changed man. “Hullo”, Stephanie answered and continued to say, “come on, the car is over there”, straightening her middle finger, she pointed to the car. We have a long drive to take”. Walking just behind her, he followed Stephanie to the car. “Seatbelt please”! She told him, forcing Charlie to fasten his seatbelt before she could drive away.

The drive back to the city bore boredom and silence between the once inseparable couple.

A few hours later, the car came to  a halt at Broadway street, looking left then right, Stephanie did not take the turn at Bluesville avenue that eventually led to Covert street where Charlie stayed after the divorce. Instead she drove through Broadway, eventually turning at Royce road where the car slowed and stopped at the IDG building that housed the Family court. “What are we doing here?” Charlie inquisitively asks. Stephanie, her face wreathed in sorrow, told Charlie why she had moved his release date from the centre to that day. When he heard her out, Charlie started rubbing his brow with his left hand as if trying to fight off a sprouting headache while the other rested motionless on his right thigh.

Before he could respond, Stephanie in a rather soft voice said, “we should go, the session begins in fifteen minutes”.  Her sorrowful self had subsided to seriousness and however much she wanted to believe the nurse of the centre where Charlie had spent the last three months of his life that he had changed, she couldn’t find the courage even though he was the father of her only child.

Inside the courtroom, Judge Baker Nyakairu was the presiding judge in the custody case; Stephanie Naguru Vs Charlie Kilama. “Mr. Kilama, do you know why you are here”? Judge Baker asked. “Yes Your honor I do”, Charlie answered. As the session came towards the end, Judge Baker asked Charlie and Stephanie if there was anything they wanted to say personally to the court before he passed judgment. “Yes there is Your honor”, answered Charlie as Stephanie maintained her silence. Charlie who had resigned to the truth told court how a changed man he had become and asked for a chance to prove to the world that he can be a good father. As he talked, he turned right to look at Jenna as if telling her, “sweetheart, everything am saying is not for the judge or this court but you”. Raising her small hand, Jenna, looking at her dad, waved and moved her lips to simply say hullo. Charlie did the same.

Before passing his judgment, Judge Baker highlighted Charlie’s past which was not more than a pleasing tale to tell and cited Stephanie’s resolve to raise Jenna in a good, morally endowed loving home.  

“It’s the decision of this court that the plaintiff be awarded custody of the named child, in this case, Jenna. The plaintiff is expected to provide a loving home, food, clothes, an education for the child and raise her into a good and obedient citizen. As she does this, she will allow the defendant a maximum of twenty four hours every week with Jenna, however, in the first six months; the defendant’s visits will be monitored and supervised by city authorities from Child Services. If the defendant proves to be a changed man and good father before the six month period ends, Child Service’s officials will be withdrawn and he will be allowed unsupervised visits from then on. The defendant will also give the plaintiff a sum of one thousand two hundred dollars in child support every month until the child reaches maturity, that is, twenty one years of age”.

Moments later, court was adjourned and Jenna was gone. Just like that. Standing outside the courtroom in readiness to say goodbyes, Charlie hugged his daughter and did well to avoid the word ‘good bye’, instead assuring her that he would see her next week.

“Don’t cry dad, I’m still your child and you’re still my father”, Jenna bravely told her father. “That’s right sweetheart and it’s never gonna change no matter what”. Charlie, who was struggling not to shed a tear infront of his daughter replied. “You promise”? Jenna asked “I promise”. Her father with a hint of happiness in his voice answered.

“We have to go”, Stephanie interrupted. “oh, ok”. Charlie replied, this time with a hint of sadness in his voice. Their backs facing Charlie, Stephanie and ten year old Jenna walked away hand in hand, step by step, they walked further and further away from a motionless Charlie.

Even though he sought satisfaction in the fact that he would see her next week and the week after that, he hated the thought that he wouldn’t be there to wish her good night or wakeup her up in the mornings for school. He didn’t like it that he wouldn’t be there to see her run from her room to theirs and demand breakfast just like she used to do before the divorce. He missed them both and wished he could turn back time to correct all his mistakes.

Wearing a solemn figure, Charlie walked home, his mind only thinking about the coming week when he would get his time with Jenna and also see Stephanie, even though for a minute.

Email:- jm.apire@hotmail.com